waving fists

I had a discussion with my mom this morning about some of my ideas and beliefs; it arose out of her criticism of my choice in clothing for the flight-- "You look like a terrorist!" Eventually we talked about the fact that I don't shave. It's pretty hilarious, because it really started out of laziness and eventually a recognition of its total lack of necessity. Who am I trying to impress with vanity? I already have a boyfriend who doesn't care and even if he did, he'd have to deal. I went through the wedding without shaving and I have to admit I'm proud. It's simple social pressures like that which coerce people quietly into 'normalcy'. This is the beginning of a life completely self-constructed. I have the power to make drastic decisions and change my lifestyle dramatically.

In fact, I usually struggle with the freedom. Sometimes I seriously contemplate never purchasing anything new ever again. Mostly out of dissatisfaction with myself for supporting commercialism and corporations, but then I don't deny that material things appeal to me greatly sometime. I really enjoy aesthetics, but sometimes my materialism makes me feel guilty. It comes in waves, because I know it's not wrong to want more but sometimes sacrifices need to be made for a different cause. Not only one-time sacrifices, but maybe something that means a lifelong sacrifice of some sort.

I don't know. They're big decisions and I just want to feel assured I make the right choice and it's legitimate and not half-assed. The last thing I want to be is some materialistic yuppie. But I honestly don't think I could ever get to that point.

Or maybe I already have? I think a trip to Europe could really help center me.

Fortunately, that's exactly where I'll be in a few hours!