marriage

The wedding was surprisingly great. I was actually happy to see my Haitian family that I haven't seen in at least 10 years or so. It was like being put back in my cultural context, because normally I feel pretty much as though I lack any cultural identity. I'm not white, but I usually don't feel hispanic, don't feeL haitian, don't feel black either. Funny enough, most of my dads family is extremely tan-skinned and my sister and I stand out immediately, but growing up I was never really conscious of the apparent skin tone differences. Most people would consider them black haha.

I had a moment of catharsis last night when I was explaining how I felt about the whole day to Jorge. I explained how it was nice and nostalgic because it reminded me of a previous time in my life. Then I noted how segmented my life is in my mind. By the time I turned 11 I began a new segment, almost like I was born again at the age of 11. But I realized that it's mostly because of my parent's divorce.

It's always been really hard for me to really find any affect the divorce had on me, because really throughout I was pretty apathetic-- I knew my parents shouldn't be together anymore. But man, the loss of a cohesive family does a lot of 'damage'. But I don't really view it as damage, I just turned out a certain way where I'm more kept to myself, I inhibit myself a little bit, and I take care of myself.

It's refreshing to figure out these things about myself. It makes it easier to progress.