i am in a constant battle with my mind. i go from thinking that i am special for being "intelligent" to realizing that being aware of my being special is, in fact a sign that i am just seeking attention and simply something i like thinking about myself. then i realize that being aware of that fact counter-acts itself, and i am stuck in an endless paradox of myself. i have not yet learned how to stop and just say "it doesn't matter"

having motivation to do anything at all is hard when i'm forced to do it all in my bed. i'm turning off my phone next time.